


Dildos and Dates

by Mickey_99



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Comedy, Funny, Homophobia, M/M, Switched Luggage, and Uther gets what he deserves, only a small amount, prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-22
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:47:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,396
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27663589
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mickey_99/pseuds/Mickey_99
Summary: Arthur has a suitcase and Merlin has a suitcase. They have never met and then they meet.Switched Luggage Prompt.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 82





	Dildos and Dates

Arthur looked in amusement at the colorful dildos spread across the hotel desk. The sight was definitely supposed to make him blush in embarrassment. But Arthur was enjoying the party too much to be embarrassed by a collection of fake penises.

“My God guys!” Leon said, a blush decorating his face,” Why did you buy him 47 dildos? The man is a TOP!”

“You never know when you are going to want to try something new,” Lance says, obviously trying to think about it in a chivalrous way. He was failing miserably.

“I don’t think I’m going to end up bottoming,” Arthur says smirking,” But I can definitely use it on any boyfriend I might get, and I can _definitely_ use these to piss off my father in some way.”

Elyan, Percival, Lancelot, Gwaine, and Leon stood around a very decorated room. Arthur’s five best friends had decked the room out in so much rainbow that Arthur is pretty sure they invented a new color called, gay. There was Balloons all over the room; for reference, one of the balloons said, “Congrats you’re our Homo-ie” in bright rainbow letters. And the streamers all had dicks drawn on them.

“Isn’t he pissed enough that your gay,” Elyan said from across the room. Elyan was eating some kind of rainbow ice cream that tasted like ass, but they got it because it was rainbow.

You need all rainbow for a coming out party after all.

“We are so proud of you Arthur,” Percival says smiling at Arthur.

“Yeah mate!” Gwaine shouts drunkenly,” But tell me!!! How are you going to prank your dad?”

Gwaine’s face was twisted into a mischievous but still very drunk grin. The man was staring at Arthur excitedly waiting for Arthur’s response.

Arthur took a step back, Gwaine’s breath reeked of booze. But Arthur chuckled in amusement at his rambunctious friend. “I am thinking about decorating his entire room with dildos hanging from the ceiling.” Arthur responded.

Gwaine lets out a bark of laughter,” Serves him right for not letting you throw the party at your house! And for kicking you out the entire summer!”

“I mean it turned out okay though,” Leon says smiling trying to keep a light mood,” We totally got something great out of it. An entire summer break traveling America. Tell me we didn’t turn a bad situation into a good one. Besides, you have one more year in that stupid house, then it’s all of us in a house together.”

Arthur laughed and moved to start picking up the floppy penises from the desk in front of him. Might as well start packing now so he could sleep in a bit tomorrow. Arthur laughed at a particularly big dildo that had the words “I’m Gay!!!” in rainbow lettering. Next to it was a rainbow dildo that supposedly vibrated. Arthur was certain he was going to place that one under his dad’s pillow. A grin spread across Arthur’s face as he thought of Uther’s reaction to finding a rainbow vibrating cock under his pillow.

“Hey,” Arthur called out, suddenly realizing something,” I don’t have enough room in my suitcase for 47 dildos.”

“Don’t worry!” Gwaine says before stumbling and falling onto the couch,” We planned for this. There is a suitcase next to the TV that we have been transporting them in.”

Gwaine drunkenly grumbled some more syllables before turning on his side and falling asleep.

“I think Gwaine is right for once,” Leon laughs,” We should get some sleep, our flight back to England is early tomorrow morning.”

Slowly one by one Arthur’s friends collapsed onto some sort of soft surface to sleep. And Arthur continued to pack up the colorful phalluses. As the last one was packed up and zipped away, Arthur resigned himself to sleep right where he was.

Merlin had been in the USA visiting a fellow Witchcraft friend he had met online. And gods was he tired of airport security. It took forever to get through that stupid line.

Merlin let his face fall into his hands as an exhausted sigh exited his mouth. Seeing his friend had been great, but Merlin was now worn out and exhausted. The stress of being somewhere he didn’t know had been weighing heavily on Merlin’s shoulders. And the entire morning had been customs bullshit and airport security bullshit. And now Merlin was exhausted.

Merlin heard someone sit down next to him, and he raised his head in curiosity. A man with blonde hair had just sat on top of where Merlin had had his jacket.

“Excuse me,” Merlin says slightly irritated,” You’ve just sat on my jacket.”

The blonde huffs out a sigh before tossing Merlin’s jacket at his face and leaning back over and placing his face in his hands.

_‘Hangover,’_ Merlin’s mind supplied. He rolled his eyes in annoyance. Hangover or no Hangover, that wasn’t how you should act.

“Fucking Prat,” Merlin mumbled under his breath. Unfortunately, he hadn’t done it quietly enough as the Blonde man sat up quickly and glared at Merlin.

Merlin quickly found himself staring into irritated eyes. They were, quite truthfully, stunning. But Merlin was tired and annoyed by this guy’s attitude.

“What did you call me?” The man said irritated.

“I called you,” Merlin said, not backing down despite being severely outmatched in body mass by this man, “A fucking prat.”

The man stares at Merlin almost in awe for a second. Like he hadn’t been expecting Merlin to say the words again. The blonde looked for a moment like he was going to say something but then a woman’s voice shot through the air.

“Now Boarding.”

Merlin shot out of the seat irritated and got in line to board the plane.

The plane ride ended up being long and painful. Merlin’s legs cramped up and his back was sore by the end of it. He wasted no time in collecting his luggage from the claim and rushing out of the airport to call a cab.

There was something about opening the airport door and stepping out into the rainy weather of England that made Merlin relax a tiny bit. Merlin took a deep breath and threw out a hand to hail a taxi. Moments later he was being taken back home. The drive didn’t take long, and once he was home, he placed his luggage on the floor and collapsed onto the bed. And Merlin finally got some much-needed rest.

Arthur was a brave guy most of the time. But as he looked down at the suitcase in front of him, he felt a pang of fear wash over himself. It wasn’t a terror of dying or a fear of injury. But rather an aching fear of embarrassment because this was not his suitcase. And the suitcase that was missing, just so happened to be the one full of colorful dicks.

Behind Arthur, Gwaine was howling in laughter. “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU LOST THE DICKS.”

Tears were in Gwaine’s eyes as the motherfucker rolled laughing all over Arthur’s carpeted floor.

“Shut up Gwaine!” Arthur said, holding his aching head in his hand. He didn’t need his father hearing about the 47 phallic objects he had carted through customs.

“Why don’t you search the suitcase,” Leon says calmly, though Gwaine was still howling in the background,” Maybe you’ll be able to find the true owner of the suitcase.”

Arthur’s face burned in shame. “Great idea,” Arthur said sarcastically,” And what am I supposed to say.”

“Can I have my dicks back obviously,” Elyan says smirking. It was obvious that all his friend’s were finding this all incredibly amusing.

Arthur flushed and searched the luggage for some sort of name, before coming across a cute little witches hat luggage tag. The tag seemed to catch Gwaine’s eye.

“Ooooo,” Gwaine said, his eyes lighting up,” If she is cute, totally give me her number.”

Arthur hears one of his friend smack Gwaine upside the head.

“What!?” Gwaine shouts,” It’s not like Arthur is going to want her. I call dibs. She likes witches and I think that’s cute.”

Arthur almost chokes upon seeing the name.

“I think it’s a dude,” Arthur says, blushing even more furiously. This was getting worse and worse. Not that a female would have been better, but what if the guy is hot.

“What makes you say that?” Gwaine asks curiously.

“The name is Merlin,” Arthur says.

“Like the sorcerer?” Gwaine asks,” That explains the witch hat. Well what are you waiting for, call him.”

Merlin awoke the next morning to a knock at his door. He groaned and stood up cracking his joints before walking to his front door and pushing it open.

“You could have come seen me when you got home you know,” Gaius said walking in,” You’ve been gone months and you don’t even bother coming to see me when you arrive back.”

“I’m sorry,” Merlin says rubbing his face tiredly,” I was exhausted from customs, and security, and this annoying prat. I got home and I just collapsed.”

There was a moment of silence before Gaius took Merlin into a hug,” Come on and tell me all about your trip.”

Merlin smiled, happy to be home,” Oh!” Merlin said happily,” I have gifts for you.”

Merlin took Gaius back to where he had left his suitcase of souvenirs and place the bag on his bed. It was a lot heavier then Merlin remembered, and his brows furrowed in confusion as he unzipped the suitcase. Only to have his glance morph into horror upon seeing the sight on the bed.

There was a moment of silence, “Merlin,” Gaius said quietly,” I know you are gay but that is a bit much don’t you think.”

“No! Wait! Uh!” Merlin’s face grew red as he faltered for a response,” These… are not mine.”

Gaius looked at Merlin with pity and Merlin felt his face grow even more red. Merlin quickly searched for a luggage tag of some kind. Cursing himself for never checking if it was the right bag. It was then that his phone started to go off.

Merlin startled and picked up his phone, grateful for the interruption to his current conundrum.

“Hello?” Merlin asked. His face still red.

“Hey…” The voice said before trailing off,” So you don’t know me… but I think I may have grabbed your bag at the airport by mistake. And I was wondering if maybe you had mine.”

The voice sounded incredibly embarrassed by the entire situation. But so was Merlin.

“SO, YOU’RE THE ONE WITH THE BAG FULL OF DICKS!?”

There was a sputtering for words on the other end of the line and Merlin felt satisfied.

“Yeah,” The embarrassed voice says,” Yeah that’s mine. Is there any way I could get that back.”

“We can mail the bags to each other,” Merlin says.

“No!” The voice says. “No! I can’t receive those in the mail. My dad is kind of… homophobic.”

Merlin’s embarrassment ebbs away with that statement. Dildos really wasn’t that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things.

“I get that,” Merlin says scratching the back of his head,” I’ve been out for years. I had to move schools because the bullying got so bad at the last one. “

“What grade?” the male asks.

“Senior,” Merlin smiles. “I just arrived home today back from America. I start school on Tuesday.”

“Oh!” The voice says,” Same here! I just got back from America. My friends and I went there to avoid my father after I came out.”

“He sounds like a little bitch,” Merlin says.

“I was going to stick all the dildos to his ceiling as a prank before I left the house for good. And I was going to put the vibrating rainbow one under his pillow.”

Merlin laughs joyously. He notices that Gaius had left the room, but he didn’t care,” Is your high school accepting?”

“Super accepting!” The male responds,” I go to Camelot high!”

“That’s where I will be going,” Merlin responds,” I moved here, and I am staying in the apartments on Albion Road. My Uncle owns them, so I kind of have my own flat for a great rate.”

There is silence on both ends of the phone, but it’s a comfortable one. It was as if they fell into a friendship in just those brief moments.

“So, I can probably just give you the suitcase at school then?” Merlin asks awkwardly.

“Uh… Yeah… Sorry!” The voice says,” I am Arthur by the way.”

“Call me Merlin.”

Arthur waits nervously with the bag out in the school yard. He wasn’t nervous because of the dildos anymore, no, Arthur had a bigger issue than that. Arthur had a crush on a guy he hadn’t even met yet.

Arthur’s feet tapped nervously on the ground as he sat on a bench.

“Arthur?” A voice called out questioningly,” WAIT A SECOND YOU ARE THE GUY WHO WAS A PRAT TO ME AT THE AIRPORT!!!”

Arthur spun around to see the gorgeous man from the airport only a few days ago stood in front of him.

“AND YOU ARE THE ONE WHO CALLED ME A PRAT!” Arthur yells back. Suddenly this guy was even more attractive.

“YOU THREW MY JACKET AT ME!!!”

“I HAD A HANGOVER!!!”

“IT DOESN’T GIVE YOU AN EXCUSE TO BE AN ASS!!!”

Arthur was about to respond, but he stopped. Despite the tone of Merlin’s voice, there was a sparkle of happiness in the boy’s eyes.

“No,” Arthur says, smiling a bit,” I guess I didn’t have to be such a… how did you put it? Prat?”

“More of a clotpole really,” Merlin says smiling. And God Arthur already was in love with that smile.

“I didn’t ruin my chances at a date, though right?” Arthur asks smiling.

“Already wanting to break these in, are we?” Merlin asks holding up the case of sex toys.

“I wasn’t thinking about doing that tonight,” Arthur says,” But I could definitely see it happening in the future.”

Merlin smiles to himself,” I have the perfect idea for a date.”

Later that night Merlin and Arthur howled in laughter as Uther screamed about there being a snake inside his pillow. And Merlin learned there was such a thing as a glow in the dark dildo.

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